Saturday, July 20, 2013

Death of Joy

Life teaches us many things. In the process we learn about the things which makes us happy and sad. Our experiences in life makes us think about actual ‘joy’. Many people understand the real happiness when they get old and few understand it very quickly in their life. When they try understanding the dynamics of joy, they see that the things which made them happy were always the simplest of the simple things. But due to their decisions, or influence of others or due to poor judgement they ended up in adversity. Reasons are galore, when we think of things which disrupt our happiness like desire as Buddhism says money etc. But I found something very trivial, which also kills our happiness very easily. It’s nothing other than comparison. It is just like the small atoms creating a huge explosion.

Yes comparison. We all know that, our all five fingers are different and every person is different, but still we end up in comparing. We compare our pay cheque, things, partners, fame, wealth, success and many more things. But what exactly we do, we kill our present, happiness, become jealous and angry towards the competitor. It breaks all good relations. And this anger and jealously leads us to nowhere else other than misery. I remember during my campus placements, many of the students who were not so good at academics were getting better packages than me, I was sad and angry. My mental peace was gone and I ended up doing nothing. I was turbulent and it never helped me in upliftment. It was when I had a reasonable argument with myself; I could understand my wrong doings and could correct myself. I sometimes feel foolish for being so agitated for a such a trivial thing money.

The thing which takes me to surprise is not the young people comparing, but the older people, our parents, relatives when they compare. Most of them have considerable experience in their lives to understand and differentiate between the best and the worst thing to do. But still they end up comparing. For example my roommate who has a terrible experience with his family, tells me that, his parents always compare him with every Tom, Dick and Harry. They compare his salary with that of others, academic and professional choices, etc. No one has the patience to see the path which the person takes; it is just the end result which matters. May be the Toms, Dicks and Harrys wants from life were different, and they worked hard or got lucky. But my friends dream and wants from life are different. This is so foolish, comparing on mindless basis. With this comparison since his childhood, he started to feel that he is not good for anything, he is incapable of doing things, and the whole world is better than him. He is just going into a shell, a shell of negativity. I have other sets of friends, whose parents don’t force them, those guys have focused goals, their hardships are well understood by their parents and they are most successful and they are happy persons. Everyone has a story and it is different from others. All are different.

Home is definitely the first school, if our parents have this attitude, the child too starts comparing himself with everyone he sees around and ends up in the same school of thought. The kids start thinking that by comparing they can be better which is actually not. Robin Sharma rightly said in this aspect, ''If your parents ever measured you as a child, they had you stand against a wall, and made a little pencil mark on the wall to show your growth. They did not measure you against your brother, or the neighbour’s kids, or kids on TV. When you measure your growth, make sure to only measure you’re today self by your past self. If you compare your relationships, your success, or your anything against anyone else, you are not being fair to you. Everyone has a different path, a different pace, and different challenges to face along the way.''

There are other sects of people, who say, by comparison, you get a fire in you to be successful. Well as they like to compare, let me say, none of the great people every compared themselves to their peers. Name any great scientists, players, leaders etc no one compared themselves with their peers. They would have taken inspiration or adapted to their ideologies but would not have surely compared. If they did so, they would not have been great people. As an example, Arunima Sinha,the national volleyball player, who was thrown out of the train, lost her leg and became the first amputee to climb Mt Everest. If she would have compared herself to others who are in sound health condition and still unable to climb Everest, would she have ever hiked? The power of imagination and will to do, harnesses excellent results when there is no comparison and let free. In a single family, when the ideas, dreams, wishes of the members are different how can someone be compared with someone else out of the family. If we foolish persons start comparing, who should tell us it is wrong and imbibe the thought in our mind not to do so? It is the responsibility of parents mostly, teachers and largely friends to change our mindset. If a child is always compared, it has adverse behavior on his health and behavioral problems in adolescence like peer rejection, drug abuse, depression, juvenile delinquency and school drop outs. Do we want that? We people read the biographies, quotes, sayings of all great people, and there are so many great people saying, comparison is killing, but we still do not follow them. I wish everyone could give a thought before comparing themselves and remember Mark Twain's simple words, '' Comparison is death of joy''.


  1. True, comparison kills one's own originality.It initiate unhealthy competition since we don't want to be our own but that of others.

    Very inpiring write.

    1. Yes sir, Comparison has more negatives than positives. Thank you reading sir.

  2. Another issue well addressed. Some choose peer pressure some have pressures thrust upon them. Still others bring it on themselves by letting what's happening around to create pressure. It's a pressure cooker scenario and boy! am i glad by talking/ blogging our thoughts we in a way are letting out our steam. i did it too just a few minutes ago. Care to go through? I'm afraid u'll need some patience for that which has just one word as it's title- Truce.
    A concluding thought not that i'm refuting what u r saying but there is a flip side too. Sometimes it helps to put a goal in front. Say for example something like this- if he or she could do it so can i. Sometimes even we ourselves compare and choose to compete. We try and if we r successful we gloat in our success and when we r not we say grapes are sour and move on. At the end of everything we find we r on our own and we move on.
    Sure greatness lies in learning from experiences but my experiences also tell me that history repeats itself.

    1. That is problem, If everything works out then all are happy. If it doesnt the burns are very painful.